Psychology Today: Sex Shockers

Psychology Today: Sex Shockers: "Psychology Today: Here To Help

Sex Shockers
Everything you know about sex is only a first step. Most advice for couples doesn't go far enough—as a result, basic truths about long-term passion are surprising.

By: Kathleen McGowan


We can all recite the mantras of modern sex advice: Tell your partner what you want; focus on how your body feels; relax. Since it's only natural, goes this idea, great sex is a matter of getting over your hang-ups, loving your partner and 'letting go.'

Yet something doesn't add up, as the huge market for self-help books and advice columnists proves. As a nation, we're not getting any. We crave sexual bliss—but all our relaxing and getting-in-touch isn't helping most of us. When the standard advice doesn't work, you feel like a failure: Too uptight. Not 'in your body.' Worse, maybe you're not really in love.

While the 'relax and connect' advice isn't wrong, it's just a first step, addressing mechanics rather than the deeper dynamics at the heart of sexuality.

1. Many people don't really want great sex. Good sexual experiences can be emotionally overpowering—mind-blowing, rather than warm and comforting. Lusty sex requires you to confront all kinds of worries—getting so close to your"

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