Unaffectionate girlfriend - Page 2 - eNotAlone: "Offline
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to her about it. Of course she is feeling bad because it is, apparently, just not inher nature to be affectionate to the same level you are...if she has a lot of other great qualities, I suggest you tell her, and then apologize for seeming to come on too strong about cuddling and the like...
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12-28-2004, 04:46 PM
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I agree with Ticklebug, except I wouldn't apologize. Just drop the subject and see if she starts being affectionate towards you. Her being affectionate isn't going to happen right away, so you either have to be patient with her or move on to a girl who knows how to express her affections.
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12-28-2004, 04:48 PM
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Well, I think that if you have a problem, you should be able to talk to her about it. Its normal for her to be upset. I mean, I wouldn't be happy if my boyfriend told me that something was bothering him. However, its reality and its bothering you, you need to talk to her about it and even if its not in her nature, she should still try to understand where you are coming from.You can't expect to change her. Its not in her nature, you know this. You can't expect her to force herself to be affectionate just because you want her to. Wouldn't you rather her not do it, than have to force herself to do it? I mean, if she's forcing herself to do it, then its not exactly coming from the heart. She's just doing it to make you happy. I think you really need to question if she's meant for you. YOu want something she isn't willing to give. Its not in her nature, so can you live this way? Its hard, but you just have to think about it.
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12-28-2004, 05:00 PM
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Iceman,the reason for the apology is because he has made her feel genuinely bad for something he shouldn't have made her feel bad about. by saying look, I'm sorry I hurt you by brining it up and I just want you to know regardless if you can't be as affectionate as I am, or have a hard time tryng to make up for it, I do think that you have x, y, & z to offer that is really special to me.soften the blow....
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12-28-2004, 05:53 PM
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Iceman26
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I don't feel that anyone expressing their feelings, especially feelings in a relationship, should apologize for expressing their feelings, as long as it is done with tact and sensitivity, which I am sure he did, as he sounds like he cares for this girl. I guess we will have to agree to disagree on this one. I do agree with you that he should reassure her of her good qualities as you suggested and drop the subject of affection with her. But if this girl doesnt want to show affection, then they should just be friends instead of being boyfriend and girlfriend, because it sounds like thats basically what the relationship is being regulated to anyways.
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12-28-2004, 06:23 PM
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Meow18
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I don't think that there's any need for an apology. I mean, unless he was like yelling at her and saying that she was a horrible girlfriend. If all he did was tell her that he likes being affectionate and thats important to him, then what did he do wrong? Of course she's not going to feel good about it, and I'm sure that alone would make him not want to bring it up. However, it is bothering him and its good he was open enough to tell her, even if it did upset her. He did nothing wrong.Now she is aware of it. He most likely didn't bring it up to make her upset, if that was the case, then he should apologize. But if the reason for bringing it up was to make her aware of this problem, then thats fine.
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12-28-2004, 06:44 PM
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if he brought it up once and upset her, fine don't apologize, I agree...but this is the second time and upset her even more...when he already knew it was a source of tension for her...for that, he owes an apology.
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12-28-2004, 06:56 PM
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Why did you ask again Cooldude?
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Posts: 2,555 I agree with Ticklebug, except I wouldn't apologize. Just drop the subject and see if she starts being affectionate towards you.
Her being affectionate isn't going to happen right away, so you either have to be patient with her or move on to a girl who knows how to express her affections.
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