Saberi Roy: Psychology of asexuality (more comments): "Psychology of asexuality (more comments)
Ace: Good article. I do disagree on the pathological comments. However I agree the majority of asexuals have some latent or residual sexuality. I label myself nonsexual. I never Mbate, find all sexuality repulsive, am a virgin. I am a good example of a true asexual.
Saberi: Well Ace. Thanks for the comments. If you find sex repulsive it might mean you're repressing something. The reasons for this may be childhood experiences. If you're happy with your life, then fine, otherwise do consult a psychoanalyst.
Rhoda: I'm a low-sexual who has had asexual periods lasting years at a time. I wasn't repressing anything. I struggled and searched for a way to be or at least pass for sexual. I didn't even care much if I mustered up an attraction to men or to women. I just wanted to stop the constant harassment and threats of rape from people who had heard I was 'frigid' (a pseudomedical pejorative term for a female asexual). I lived in fear because of gossip. During those times I had sex because society mandates it. It was torture. It left me depressed, confused and clinging to a sense of reality by a thread. When I have stopped I have felt powerful, clear-headed and confident. I just miss being socially accepted, as any woman who has sex will be accepted. If a woman is promiscuous, there is a vast culture of promiscuity that will treat her as 'healthy'; she will be popular. If she is married there is a vast culture that will treat her as 'stable'; she will be respectable. If she is not having sex at all, there is a vast culture that will treat her as 'available'. If she is not available, nearly everyone will treat her as 'crazy', 'witholding' (presumably witholding something that belongs to someone else), and 'uptight' (presumably meaning any woman who is no fun must be altered to correct the defect). I am identifying as asexual because it is the shortest answer that comes close to describing my life.
One of the cruellest and most incomprehensible stereotypes of a's I ever heard was that we are 'cold' and 'don't love anyone'. Nothing could be further from the truth. It always seemed to me it was the other way around. It was highly-sexed people who threatened me and attacked me when I first tried to take a stand as someone who had a right not to have sex just to fit in. I still have flashbacks about some of the things men did openly, proud of themselves, with a self-righteous air, to me to punish my speaking up. They thought they were my owners and that I had no right to withold my biological functions from them. I didn't even know some of them. Other people, male and female, have talked down to me, made fun of me and just refused to hear me, pretending I said something else. They seem to be the ones who have trouble being loving. Not all sexuals are unloving, but I think what I've seen tells me the higher-sexed people are by and large the least loving.
Saberi: Hi Rhoda. Thanks for your comments. Well I do agree with some of your points. Especially your categories for defining the sexuality of women. But your views seem to have been shaped by your experiences and your perception of those experiences. Society has in a way given certain importance to sex although it is not an absolute basic need, we can survive without sex. So asexuality should be accepted. Your own condition of asexuality may have been triggered by adverse events in your life and certain portrayals of sex in modern society have become very distasteful and many people are developing this repulsion for sex. So you will find other people like you and there's a community for asexuals. Sometimes we may be highly sexed but simply never realize that we're repressing our sexual desire. If you felt attracted towards anyone, you are not asexual. I don't want to force you to fit in but the fact that you felt threatened by people who tried to have sex with you, shows a certain insecurity. Maybe the fact that you love people is actually a channeling of your sexual energy and it's a good thing. I suggest you use your unrecognized/untapped sexuality for serving humanity, doing some social work or try creative pursuits. If you feel oversexed people are not loving, that may be due to your personal experiences but if you can associate sex with love at some point in your life, your opinions will definitely change. Thanks again!
Posted by saberiroy at 18:15"
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