My girlfriend has no interest in sex whatsoever

My girlfriend has no interest in sex whatsoever, is it wrong to consider breaking up with her?
We've been together for 3 years, but this isn't the sort of thing where she gradually became less and less interested in sex... She's just always been pretty non-sexual, at least with me, anyway. We broke up for awhile about a year ago, and she had sex with a guy she dated for a month "more times than she could count". I think about that a lot, and think there's something wrong with me.

She's beautiful, and I couldn't ask for a girl with a better personality, I love everything else about her, but sex has always been very important to me, and we have sex only about once every month to two months. And it's really beginning to take it's toll on me, it's making me rather depressed, and I have frequent thoughts about cheating on her out of desperation.

If not for the lack of a sex-life, we would be the perfect couple. But I don't know if I can put up with this for the rest of my life, as I'm a very sexual person. But at the same time I feel like it would be stupid to throw something so good away for something so trivial as not having enough sex.
2 years ago
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Yeah, I talk to her about it every so often, and she usually either gets mad at me for "always pestering" her for sex (I don't, really). Or she says something like it's because my penis is too big and it's just uncomfortable for her.
2 years ago

It also has nothing to do with me being unable to satisfy her, the occasional times when we DO have sex it's always great for both of us, she never doesn't have an orgasm. Whether it's during sex, or if I have to finish her up with oral.

It just seems like it takes the alignment of the #$@%ing planets for her to be in the mood. :P
2 years ago

And I know the fellow she dated, and the only reasonable difference I can see for her having so much more interest in him, is he's got that whole, total asshole personality that girls find irresistible for some reason.

I tell her I love her and that she's beautiful at least 20 times a day. He was a fat lazy slob that made her feel like dirt on a daily basis.
2 years ago

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Thanasi
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I must tell you, I was browsing for answers to this question myself and stumbled upon yours. You are almost in the same exact boat as I am my friend so I figure I will share my thoughts and situation to try and help us both. I have been in an almost 2 year relationship with my girl and am actually waiting for her to arrive at my house for an intimate encounter later tonight since we barely see each other once or twice a week with our current schedules. She made it a point to tell me over the phone earlier she doesn't "feel well today" because it's that time, just to imply we surely won't have sex...again. This girl and I have not had intercourse in about a year, the last time we did she had over half a dozen orgasms, so I'm pretty sure I knew what I was doing.
Nevertheless... she gets in the mood easy and we feel around but she will not have intercourse, oral at the most. I am trying to figure this all out and suspect she has tocophobia since all her friends seem to have become single moms with dirtbag guys running far away. I suspected cheating but as time passes she is worse and worse and arousing me and I do more of the work, as well as other subtle more amateur signs so I ruled this out. I'm left with thinking she wants to be married before we have any more sex, since she constantly mentions I'll only have sex without a condom "with my husband". However, I am nowhere near ready for marriage without a career established and she knows this...
I myself am left with only my best friend, as you might be? Our personalities compliment each other amazingly, we laugh, cry, hold hands, show affection, fight fiercely against each other and makeup lovingly, and work as a team. The noteable differences are just her family structure versus mine, she comes from a home with a single mom and half sister with much fighting, and I come from a traditional mediterranian family (same financial class). This causes her to call my life perfect, but she still makes a point to say I would just run out if she became pregnant like her real father did... Quite a conondrum.
A man has his needs however and much like you, I have spoken to her about it and these are the answers I get along with snaps like "don't beg me for sex", "I'm not ready", etc. etc. no. I myself have been taking note of other girls more and more and she completely FLIPS out viciously if she catches me even REMOTELY flirting with another girl, but doesn't do what I think is needed to easily keep me happy as I can be. I've spoken with her but nothing will budge, my close friends and family have all told me it's more trouble then it's worth and I keep thinking of how bad it can get with marriage (at 3 years I assume you should too!)... and so I've put a timeframe in my head and setup romantic dates (such as tonight) as best as possible to see if we can resume our sex life soon. If we don't I will have to end it for good. In our cases the answer I can surely give you is enough is enough.
The only exception I must have in your situation is your monthlong break. If your girl has had sex with another man during a monthlong break (we have had 2 breaks in my relationship similar to that), and you are still with her, your are a FAR stronger/kinder man than I. Lack of sex is one thing, but sex with someone not part of the equasion, is unforgiveable afterwards to me. I hope I helped, whatever the turn out, make sure you end up happy in the long run and satisfying yourself and not just your partner.

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2 years ago
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Yeah, our situations are pretty similar. After a serious talk, she says that it's not going to change, my penis is just too big and painful (lots of lube, positions, nothing works). So I still don't know much of what to do. It's not all her fault, but I can't put up with virtually no sex forever
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M N
you shouldnt be asking for that you guys arent even married

she knows that after a guy does that with a girl, they dump her and brag about it and laugh at her

why dont you marry her? dont you love her or is it only for her body?

because she would deff deserve someone better than you

why cant you wait? whats the rush?

its not like tomorrows the last day your gonna be breathing?

shes doing the right thing and.. your not.
2 years ago
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Asylum
To Break up with her would make you shallow.. but dude you do have your needs.. just find a way to fill them but not being a dick.. at 3 years it can get boring... Do sumthing to spice it up.. but you would never want to lose someone over sumthing like sex.. u would be making the worst decision of your life
2 years ago
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Micah M
Before you decide to break it off, why dont you just confront her about it? Seems sensible to me. Then you can find out what her deal is. Maybe she wants to wait till marriage, but I doubt it since she does give it to you.
2 years ago
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blah?
umm hmmm.. thats really.. weird? look for another girl lol.. i have a huge sex drive.. i'm thinking i could go atleast 3 times a day.. but seriously. if u love her that much, n its effecting you.. umm try to be more romantic, buy flowers, pay her compliments (that u actually mean) etc
2 years ago
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S?rayca?...
If you're not happy now with the lack of sex. How do you think you're going to feel in 5 more years?

Sex is a huge factor in relationships. And if someone isn't happy, neither one will be happy.
2 years ago
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Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ Perspective Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ
yeah its wrong i mean you guys aren't married so you should be asking for sex....but the heart wants what it whats..break it to her easy
2 years ago
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Sassy
I would tell her what you told us. Be honest and see if things change. If not move on.
2 years ago
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storm Harding
dont break up with her? just wait...
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Answer Mine Now Please :] http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080913040459AAMY1cN
2 years ago
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Yellowst...

Hon, foregoing sex is NOT a trivial thing.
Sex is natural, healthy and adult enjoyment.
It also brings couples together and can strengthen their bond.

You are not even close to being the perfect couple, because one half of the couple is desperately unhappy with a big part of the relationship.

My question to you is why are you discussing this with complete strangers?
Talk to her about it, tell her exactly how you feel and what you are thinking. After three years you MUST be able to discuss personal things.

That first avatar is the cutest!
2 years ago
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lopo
dont break up thatll make you look like a horsefudger, and all you care about is gettin it up your crack.
what id suggest, is when your pashing slowly go to her neck, unbutton her, BUT NO PRESSURE, if she stops then you stop too boy..
now when you see her bra just kiss...kisss.kisss then unclip it, WEWT BOOBIES! now suck em you know be romantic and smooth, make sure your personailty is good and serious.
Okay good were on 3rd base, as qouted form american pie "3rd Base Feels Like Warm Apple Pie" so yeahh, no pull a condom out and yeahh you take it away.


but thats how to seduce her which is kinda mean, so none of that.
your obviously missing something if she went and boned a guy 50 times in less than i month yhe mustve either pressured her, or just been a gentleman, maybe your just not putting enough effort in.
ask her why aswell
2 years ago
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onyxx197...
Well bud, I can tell you right now that it's over between you two. I am going through the same thing and yes, she broke up with me. Women are the most F-ing complicated creation on earth.
First, you have to give her space, let her do whatever the hell she wants even if it kills you (i mean you really gotta start doing your own thing and let her do her own thing, be away from eachother so that she can learn to miss you), stop saying I love you every 2 seconds, I think she already knows that, don't pester her, don't ask her where she's going or when she's coming back (these are all mistakes I made).
Also, do you live together? if so, one has to move out or it will not work at all. don't be an asshole to her cause that won't work either LOL been there done that; just simply concentrate on yourself and when she feels you are not chasing her anymore she will wonder why and perhaps chase you. (not that I really belive in this but is she an Aries?)
this will not necessarily work because sometimes when a women loses interest it's final, but if she still loves you despite the fact then the possibility of getting back together is there.
Don't kill yourself over it, I know it hurts and if your anything like me, you don't want to go through it again with someone new, but it's time to let go and move on; put it in God's hands and let him do the work. It can takes weeks, months, years, but just let her go, tell her you love her but that your breaking up because you want her to be happy. She may not know what she wants and may try to stay in the relationship, (TRUST ME) LET HER BE FREE, she will come back if it's meant to be. I say wait 3 months then see how she is doing, only call her twice a month. Hope this helps and let me know if you have anyother questions. God Bless
2 years ago
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~o0o~

you answered your own question by saying this "there's something wrong with me".
you have a high sex drive which she isn't or perhaps you don't make her drive crazy and your style is boring and perhaps that's the reason when both of your broke up she had sex with another guy that was more times than she did it with you? try to change your style and be more romantic to see her changes too if she will be more aroused this time and will find having sex with you as much as both of you like. at any rate, you aren't married yet, so if you get boring now, i guess you'll be more boring if you will be married already as not only the sex things you have to think but the responsibility of being a husband and a bread winner.
Edit:
oh, there you are...she isn't comfortable with your d!ckhead lol. and that's the point of all.
2 years ago
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A - Girl
I think she lied when you guys broke up that time about how much sex she had.
honestly it sounds like bullshit.
I would say just be honest and try it on her more often.
If/when she turns you down, let her know you love her, but that you want to know if there is something wrong with you?
she should speak up and let you know whats on her mind.

I have noticed a lack of libido in my relationship since being with my bf for 18months.
if you find a cure let me know.
hes not attentive enough to buy a karma sutra book or anything. he expects me to.....
2 years ago
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♥♥JDub♥♥
Honestly, women who do not have sex with their boyfriend often is either dissatisfied w/the first sexual encounter or experience w/him and is waiting for that 'blow your mind experience' to occur, if ever. She stated to you, which could be a lie, but if it is true that in a month she had more sex than she could count with a new boyfriend is your answer right there!

Unfortunately, she does not have the courage to be honest with you for fear of hurting your feelings. Women who are sexually compatible with their boyfriends are giving it up frequently and become insanely jealous when they know the boyfriend is cheating on them because he is sharing the one thing that is keeping them together. GREAT sex!

Notice when GFs are sexually satisfied and break up with the BF how crazy they get. Your GF found a dude in a month and had sex more than she could count. He knew what he was doing and he apparently was satisfying many women that is why she only dated him for a month, but you are safe you're only lacking something between the sheets. Just because you have a big penis DOES NOT mean you know how to use it properly!! Let's get that clear first off.

Also, there is not anything you can do at this point as the first time is IMPORTANT whether a woman knows whether she want to keep you or not. Think about it for minute and see if this is applicable to your situation. She was NOT happy your first time and your doing the same ole same ole for the last three years! You all have sympathy sex when she do give it up.....
2 years ago
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Palindro...
It is a problem, and it is worth breaking up with someone over, regardless of how shallow someone might say it sounds. You have been with her for three years and you are intimate, so you shouldn't have a problem sitting with her and finding out why she isn't interested in sharing intimacy with you more often. Approach it carefully and kindly, but be ready to listen to what she says without being hurt or defending yourself. If you need to let it soak in (assuming she does tell you if their is a problem), and then, discuss at length when you understand. It really could be a number of things. Here are some examples:
She could be punishing you...and if she does withhold sex to punish you, then you need to break up.
She could feel insecure about herself....even though she had alot of sex with the other guy, maybe he doesn't intimidate her.
She might not orgasm, so you guys need to do other things to help with this.
She really could have a hormonal imbalance, from taking birth control or not taking birth control. This is something that she should get checked out, because sex is always going to be a problem for her.
She might feel sex is boring....spice it up. Find out her fantasies or share yours.
She might not feel emotionally connected with you. It's crazy because science tells us girls need an emotional connection to have sex and guys need sex to have an emotional connection, so this is where you will have to compromise. Do you hold her hand still? Or tell her she's beautiful...and not saying those things or being close because you are trying to have sex. Cuddling, foreplay with her without you orgasming, romantic dinners or picnics. This doesn't mean to shower her with attention, but give her more contact...touching, kissing every single day, massages.
I really hope she opens up to you and lets you know what is wrong.
But don't ever cheat. Even if you feel like a jerk for breaking up with her over sex, it's far better than cheating. Good luck to you!!!
Edit..okay, I just read your add on. Women are made to accommadate an above average penis. It sounds like you need to take more time with her, be slower and gentler, and/or use a lube. Pick up a book and try different positions, preferably ones that allow her to have more control
2 years ago