I don't want to have this baby

I don't want to have this baby: "I don't want to have this baby

Question

Last year, I met the man of my dreams, and we moved in together. But I’ve never wanted children – by him or anyone else. However, my partner felt differently.

Almost four months ago, I became pregnant accidentally.

My boy friend wanted to keep the baby. I tried to understand his viewpoint, but I now hate this pregnancy. I really don’t want the baby.

What can I do? Could I get an abortion?

My partner is looking forward to having a child. He says that the delivery ‘won’t be too bad' and claims that my rejection of the pregnancy is just ‘due to my hormones.’

Would a termination be legal at this stage? I am now 15 weeks gone.

Answer

David writes:

Fifteen weeks is beginning to be a bit late for a termination - though it would very definitely still be legal.

The important thing is that you shouldn't make any sudden, muddled decisions.

What is clear is that you now need some face-to-face pregnancy counselling from an experienced health professional. I suggest you begin by ringing the British Pregnancy Advisory Service .

Christine adds:

I am really, really sorry about this. Clearly you feel invaded by this pregnancy. After weeks of indecision, you now seem to be swinging in the direction of getting a termination.

However, your man very much wants the baby, so that is a big problem.

An alternative would be to carry the baby to full term and then to see how you feel. Plenty of women who hate pregnancy - and indeed have never wanted children - feel overwhelmed with love for the baby they produce, and motherhood then changes their life in a very positive way.

I do think - despite everything you say - that you might turn out to be one of those women. If you don't, then adoption would be a possibility.

Currently there are something like 20,000 couples in this country, hoping to adopt a baby - but only 2000 babies per years are offered for adoption.

So I'm sure that your child would be found a good and very loving home. But of course, coming back to your partner, your relationship might suffer terribly; in fact it might not last, if you insisted on giving up the baby.

I wish I could wave a magic wand for you, but I can't. I think the only thing you can do currently is to go along to BPAS or a similar counselling agency - as David suggests.

Good luck!

Yours sincerely

Dr David Delvin, GP, and Christine Webber, sex and relationships expert


Last updated 27.03.2006"