Lovers to avoid

Lovers to avoid: "Lovers to avoid
Written by Christine Webber, psychotherapist and lifecoach and Dr David Delvin, GP and family planning specialist


Here are five types of guy whom you may perhaps wish to avoid going to bed with.

1. The 'roll-on, roll-off Romeo'


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Try to educate your lover, but if he doesn't listen, dump him. Or you'll be in for a lifetime of frustration.
I (Christine Webber) named these guys after roll-on, roll-off car ferries because all they do is roll on top of you, do the business to their satisfaction and roll off you again.

These men are awfully common. They may be charming, funny and intelligent, but their sex education is sadly lacking in one vital area, which is that they haven't a clue what love play is.

They think that all that's necessary in bed is to insert their penis into some willing woman, hump away at her and enjoy it. For them the clitoris might as well be a climbing plant, and the G-spot something to do with furniture!

It's true that some of them may be shy. After all, women's pink bits are a bit mysterious and lots of men haven't a clue what to do with them.

But all men - yes, all men - in this 21st century should jolly well find out.

Unfortunately, the typical roll-on roll-off merchant frequently doesn't want to be bothered discovering what turns a woman on. And even if she plucks up courage to show him, he may ignore her or tell her she's abnormal and that 'real, hot women don't need that kind of thing'.

A friend of ours was dating a roll-on roll-off lover and one night in desperation she took his hand and plonked it right on her clitoris. He removed it immediately with the immortal words: 'Oh, that's never done much for me, dear.'

So if you know a roll-on, roll-off lover, do try and educate him. But if he won't change, dump him. Or you'll be in for a lifetime of frustration.

2. The premature climaxer

This chap may seem a bit like the ‘roll-on, roll-off Romeo’ - but the difference is that he can’t help it.

Yes, it’s an unfortunate fact that some guys quite genuinely cannot avoid coming far too soon. (Our recent research suggests that this applies to around 10 per cent of men.) They climax so quickly, that intercourse with them is invariably deeply unsatisfactory for the woman.

This condition is known as premature ejaculation – or ‘PE’.

Some ‘PE’ men know that they have a problem.— and may be willing to do something about it. Others – alas – think that it’s actually normal for a bloke to come within a minute or so of beginning intercourse.

While we feel very sorry for fellers who have PE, it is undeniable that they don’t make good sex partners – unless they get themselves cured.

So if you start petting with a guy, and find that he comes incredibly quickly when you stroke him, do consider whether you want to go on with the relationship. If you do, then he should find out more about about premature ejaculation can be treated.

3. The non-climaxer

In total contrast, a much smaller group of men cannot climax – at least, not inside you (though they may well be able to do it on their own).

This condition is called retarded ejaculation (delayed ejaculation).

Men who have this disorder can go on and on making love to a woman for hours and hours – but never, ever come. They just can’t. For obvious reasons, such males are very popular with some women (particularly ladies who are used to men coming much too soon). But the novelty soon wears off.

To be frank, the average woman does really like her man to reach an orgasm at the end of intercourse.

Furthermore, when the time arrives for you to start trying for a baby, a guy who has delayed ejaculation isn’t going to be much good to you – because he never delivers sperm up into your vagina and therefore your chances of getting pregnant are virtually nil.

So if you encounter a non-climaxer, please do think carefully before you establish a relationship with him.

However, if he’s willing to get treatment, that would be a different matter.

4. The ‘if you really loved me’ merchant

His speciality is saying soulfully: ‘But if you really loved me, darling, you’d let me take you to bed.’

He will probably assure you that he loves you, and that that is why he is desperate to possess your nice, soft body.

Don’t be taken in by this unfair misuse of the word ‘love'. He has discovered that the word is a powerful token in the game of seduction – and that it can make girls open their thighs for him. But it’s really just a ploy to get you to give your all.

The likelihood is that as soon as he’s ‘had’ you, he’ll be off in search of some other poor woman to make a fool of.

5. The ‘never on a Sunday’ man

These males want to seduce you on almost any night of the week – but never on a Sunday. And never on a Bank Holiday, either.

In fact, they don’t even want to see you or a Sunday or a public holiday. And as for Christmas – or any other big festival - your chances of getting them into bed are absolutely nil.

Why?

For one simple reason: they’re married. And they haven’t told you. So on Sundays, and high-days and holidays, they are either out with their families or in bed with their wives.

You have been warned.


Last updated 12.09.2005"