Post-childbirth loss of libido

Post-childbirth loss of libido: "Post-childbirth loss of libido

Question

Six months ago, my partner gave birth to our first child. Everything went really well and we are proud parents. We are both finding parenthood easy, fun and have lots of support from both family and friends.

However, my girlfriend’s libido has all but disappeared. We still have sex but instead of instigating sessions equally, as we used to, (in fact her sex drive was higher than mine) she now seems to almost ‘give in’ to my advances instead of becoming aroused like she used to.

Only a couple of times since our child was been born has she wanted to have sex with me, instead of the other way round. I have spoken to her about it and she doesn’t see a problem, but I do.

At first I thought she was getting over the birth, and I was patient but it’s been six months now. Its not like I am not ‘getting any’ but I feel she just doesn’t enjoy it anymore and therefore, of course, my enjoyment has lessened.

Answer

David writes:

Please try and understand that it is very common for women to lose their libidos after having a child. Fortunately, most of them do recover! However, medical treatment isn't easy. There's no pill that will turn your woman on. (At least, not yet – though several drug companies are working on it!)

However, it does usually help to have a commonsense chat with a woman doctor who is used to dealing with this problem. So I advise you to suggest to your partner that you both go and chat to such a doctor at your local Family Planning Clinic.

Good luck!

Christine adds:

Yes, the women doctors at Family Planning Clinics are real experts in this kind of problem. You may also find it interesting and helpful to take a look at the articles on ' Sexual desire and your hormones' and 'Sex after giving birth'.

It's vital the two of you keep physical contact going at the moment. This isn't quite the same thing as having sex. What I mean is that there should be plenty of cuddles and loving. Sometimes, a women who is not currently turned on to sex, avoids cuddling in case it leads to intercourse. When this happens, a real wedge can be driven between two previously loving and compatible partners.

If by any chance this is happening in your house, one way of getting over it is to have a code word that means: 'Let's have a big cuddle – but I'm not up for sex at the moment'.

Probaby what is happening at the moment is that your girlfriend’s focus has changed in that she has a baby at the forefront of her mind. I know that you have become a parent too, but nature has a way of making women concentrate on their offspring to an incredible degree.

In time, I’m sure she will become more sexual than she is currently. But in the meantime, do try to stimulate her mind as well as her body. Women are often turned on to sex far more by a fantasy or an erotic book than by just touching or caressing etc.

So, if you can think in terms of mental foreplay sometimes that might encourage her interest. And don’t forget romance. Young mums often feel tired and jaded and out of sorts and out of condition. Plenty of appreciation of her body and soul – and the odd romantic gesture like a surprise night out, or even just a nice bunch of flowers will certainly do no harm.

Yours sincerely

Dr David Delvin, GP, and Christine Webber, sex and relationships expert


Last updated 13.09.2006"